Monday, August 07, 2006

Doctor Reuters' Struggles!

Here they are, two coveted covert recordings from Karridine's friend, Sekritt 'Leaky' Sorce, at the NSA. Listen now, as Dr Reuters squirms and fights brushfires and scrambles for Damage Control:

Doctor Reuters: One (300K) Dealing with Bloggers
(Right-click and "Save as....")

Doctor Reuters: Two (411K) Dealing with The Boss
(Right-click and "Save as....")

Graphic: Beirut Photoshop: Altered Photo prima facie evidence of tampering

Doctor Reuters: One

-ring!- Yes, Doctor Reuters…

Yes? Well- well- Please, yes I can explain. The ‘Smoke Over Beirut’ picture was an accident as the photographer was trying to remove dust-

What? How can you possibly get DUST on a digital picture with no negative? Uh, well-

Wailing Lady July 24 & Aug 5” Now just hold on there, Reuters is in the business of seeking out the truth, and the truth is… uh… she… the Jews… uhm… what? DrinkingFromHome? Scar is the same, right eye same…

But that doesn’t prove-

Now see here!

What? “See here” is a figure of speech-

You don’t figure Reuters’ speech is better than its pictures…

What? Lemme write this down…

“One picture is worth a thousand words,” and Reuters has more than 3 thousand words’ worth of altered pictures online August 7th


Yes, and thank you for- -click!- calling Reuters

Doctor Reuters: Two

-ring!- Hello, Chief? Its me calling from Damage Control…

Hundreds, Chief! Thousands of callers are swamping the lines, hundreds get through and almost a quarter of them are from paying accounts, who are furious that we’re making them look like Hizbollah propaganda outlets!

Yeah, uh-hunh… but Chief, we already fired Adnan Hajj! We’re distancing ourselves as fast-

What? Yeah, we’re saying that, but these BLOGGERS are telling the world our editors bear some responsibility here becau-

Well, Chief, we CAN’T stonewall! We’re losing accounts now, and by midweek we’re going to be hemorrhaging red ink!

Who can we fire? That’s your call, Chief! It hasta be an editor, at least, because they took money to edit and stop stuff like this, and jeez, if it was ONE picture it’d be bad, but the blogs have at least 3-

Hunh? Whaddaya mean?

Yeah, Reuters from offices all over the world were crawling all over that Little Green Footballs site, but they’re clean, Chief… they’re just humans, ordinary humans, with experience and learning and a hunger for –

What? Chief… CHIEF! Listen, if you don’t authorize some extra staff, right now, to comb our online archives and pull ALL doctored pictures, there might not BE a Reuters this time next week!

And no, I don’t see a way we can blame this on Bush or the Jews…

Okay, Chief, there’s more calls coming in… Yeah, nice knowing you, too…




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