Saturday, July 08, 2006

"Professor" Frisch's Final Exam

Help yourself, because it seems Frisch can't help ANYONE... it'd be sad, if it weren't so sad... her threats would be funny, if they weren't so sad...

Frisch's Final Exam


Deborah Frisch's final exam

Deborah Frisch
Adjunct Professor of Psychology
Psychology of Risk Assessment & Decisionmaking
Final Exam

You have one hour to complete this exam. Please mark your answers cleanly with either a #2 pencil or a mixture of human blood and animal feces.

1) A rational actor is offered one of two investment schemes. The first pays 5% profit per year with no risk. The second pays 20% per year with a 5% risk of catastrophic loss each year. Which investment scheme should a rational actor choose?

a) the low-profit, no-risk scheme

b) the high-risk, high-profit scheme

c) it depends upon the marginal utility the actor assigns to the higher profit

d) sinister lobsters from the dark dimension are gnawing through my eardrums

2) Two rational actors are involved in a business dispute. Failure on either's part to compromise will result in a loss. However, compromising too much will result in suboptimal results for each. What strategy should each actor choose?

a) Both should seek compromise, to avoid a loss

b) Both should seek to maximize personal optimal gain, even though this risks a loss

c) Both should seek tit-for-tat compromise and reassurance from the other, to insure maximum gain while limiting the risk of total loss

d) Sometimes I dream about Walt Disney's cryonically frozen head kissing me on my no-no special place while Goofy and Pluto restrain me with leather straps

3) You disagree with another professor who maintains an online blog. What is the highest-reward, lowest-risk strategy for dealing with such a person?

a) Engage him in substantive discourse to prove he's wrong

b) Adopt a flippant tone while glibly tweaking him

c) Expose his errors on your own blog in hopes that he can be made to understand his errors

d) Have you ever noticed that K-Mart sells shotguns, shovels, and quicklime, all in one place? People rip on K-Mart, but really, you can't beat the convenience, folks.

4) You strongly suspect your pinkies have been replaced by animatronic spy-modules by cybernetic puppet-creatures controlled by the evil aliens known as the "Rhodians." These false finger-probes report your every move to the Rhodian StarMasters, and have been keeping tabs on you since a dozen of their rape-robots repeatedly violated you during your "missing years." As a rational actor, do you...?

a) Cut off your pinkies to prove they're insectlike cyber-implants, no matter what your FUCKING QUACK RACIST ASSHOLE OF A SHRINK might think

b) Go about your daily life as normal, but never say something you wouldn't want the Rhodians to hear unless your hands are submerged in sink or bathwater, in order to block the transmissions (Note: this may require bathing/hand-washing up to 40 times per day)

c) Strangle your neighbor's cat. Mr. Frisky's probably in on it too. Can't be too careful.

d) Ohgodchrist. They're watching. They're watching RIGHT NOW. They're all... they're all Rhodians! Every fucking one of them!

Put your pencils down.


I'm... sorry... my pinkies made me say that.


Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home