Thursday, May 25, 2006

1-900-Reality!



If you like IowaHawk, and you want to learn about BushCo's impending impeachment and execution by firing squad, dial 1-900-REA-LITY now!

Or listen for yourself:

1-900-REALITY
(Right Click and Save as...)


Karridine

The Following is a Paid Reality-Based Message

ANNOUNCER
Are you bored? Sitting at home alone, scouring basic cable news for impeachment updates? Well now you don’t have to wait for the 3 am rerun of Keith Olbermann for the hottest, juiciest, blockbuster scandals that will finally bring down the illegitimate BushCo cabal! Because now there’s 1-900-REALITY!

BREATHY FEMALE ANNOUNCER
1-900-REALITY…

ANNOUNCER
Call now and join our reality-based party! Provocative leakers are standing by to give you an earful of shocking facts, just the way you like them… hot, heavy, and weeks ahead of the news cycle!

BREATHY FEMALE ANNOUNCER
1-900-REALITY…

ANNOUNCER
For just $5.95 and $1.95 per minute, you’ll be connected with one of our information insiders who is aching to fulfill your every fantasy of governmental overthrow!

MARY
Hi, I’m Mary. Dial extension CBS and let me show you my private collection of shocking Texas Air National Guard documents. Stay on the line and I’ll show you how I can do things with Microsoft Word that Bill Gates never dreamed of!

ANNOUNCER
Aww yeah fellas, Mary can get her kern on – all night long!

EASON
I’m Eason and I can’t wait to tell you the dirty, dirty things I saw American soldiers do to innocent journalists. Call me at extension CNN and I’ll stimulate your outrage to a boil!

BREATHY FEMALE ANNOUNCER
We like it hot…

ANNOUNCER
Whether you’re turned on by Plamegate or Abramoff or Jeff Gannon, our one-on-one scandal consultants will give you a the inside scoop that will bring you and America to a climax of righteous indignation! Did somebody say ‘Katrina’?

KATIE
Hi, I’m Katie. I was just a curious morning show host before I went to New Orleans, but what I saw at the Superdome will make your voter population rise up – all the way up! Call me at extension NBC and I will report it to you over and over again…

BREATHY FEMALE ANNOUNCER
mmm… 1-900-REALITY…

ANNOUNCER
Enron… Abu Ghraib… the impending Dick Cheney murder indictment… if it gets you off, it gets us off – at only $5.95 plus $1.95 per connected minute!

JASON
Hi I’m Jason. Do you like domination? Well I want to tell you all about how I am going to make Karl Rove do the perp walk. I really want to get my truth out just for you! Call me at extension WWW and every day will be Fitzmas!

BREATHY FEMALE ANNOUNCER
ooooh… coming indictments…

ANNOUNCER
Still not hot enough for you?

PINCH
Hi, I’m Pinch. Call me at extension NYT and I’ll tell you the shocking details of the freaky NSA peeping toms who are listening into your every phone call. Call in the next 10 minutes and I’ll throw in extra news about the throbbing insurgency that has Iraq on the verge of civil war!

BREATHY FEMALE ANNOUNCER
Aaahhh… ever growing insurgency…

ANNOUNCER
Come on, you can admit it – we know you like your reality kinky.

MICAH
Hi, I’m Micah.

JESSE
And I’m Jesse.

MICAH AND JESSE
And we’ve been naughty, naughty Rangers! (giggling)

JESSE
Call us now and we’ll tell you the shocking details of how we tools of imperialism enjoy torturing innocent civilians. When this news gets out, your country will explode in a violent impeachment!

ANNOUNCER
What are you waiting for? Don’t let another news cycle pass. Call 1-900-REALITY now and let our hot wet truth tellers get your hopes up -- over and over and over again!

BREATHY FEMALE ANNOUNCER
1-900-REALITY… our truth is really out there.

(Above script written in toto by Dave Burge of IowaHawk; reproduced with permission and full attribution.)

3 Comments:

Anonymous John Edweirds said...

hey, I tried the number and nothing happened!?!
we gotta get Bushitler, and soon!
Before Iraq settles down, becomes successful, and the ends might justify the means
Iraq is almost a complete success, and it's gonna make all us Democrats look bad!
Help!

Thursday, May 25, 2006 11:35:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

zombie here (as "anonymous" because I can't figure out how to log in):

Hey, you're getting better and better at these things! You should make an easily-findable "archive" of all your mp3s so people can link to them as a concept unto their own. And definitely send the link to Iowahawk (and to whomever else you give the royal treatment to) so that they might link back to you on their sites.

Friday, May 26, 2006 12:31:00 AM  
Blogger Karridine said...

Why, THANK YOU, Zombie! (You make my heart go giddyup!)

I did inform the Hawk, and Misha and others, but its up to good people like YOU to post a link at LGF, so that people see, "Hey! Its Zombie saying Check this out, instead of Karridine tooting his own horn again!"

Thanks again.

Friday, May 26, 2006 12:38:00 AM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home

Karridine.