Walther Kronkite: Anti-America, Anti-War

Big Tip o'the Karridine Kepi to Pierre LeGrande for this ripple-making take on the current mindless blathering by talking heads, intent on equating "cessation of active, military hostilities" with "peace"...

Karridine's mole-like researchers deep undercover in the BBC archives have unearthed this recording of Walther Kronkhite broadcasting on the eve of the aborted, much ballyhooed "D-Day"... Unfortunately, most of the recordings from the Nazi-controlled DECADES of widespread terrorism, tyranny, oppression, industrialized genocide and the disease which finally sparked the "Freedom Fighters for Liberty" (war lasting from 1973 ti 1982, with widespread, flagrant nuclear destruction) which finally liberated what remains of the free world today (THANKS, Aussies!) were destroyed by fleeing thugs and Nazi-collaborators afraid of the Aussie-American forces invading through Africa!

Walther Kronkite: June 5, No D-Day! 995k
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Karridine

Dateline June 5 1944: Churchill has decided, some say due to pressure from the US, to accept the Truce brokered by the League of Nations and Goofi Anon. United States Sec of State Candy Ricerocket was said to be pleased to have stopped the war since many innocent children were caught in the crossfire. Secretary Ricerocket stated she was confident that the French Vichy Government would do its part to disarm and replace the Nazis in an effort to defuse a dangerous situation that saw Churchill assembling a rag tag bunch of Canadians and Aussies into an effort to invade the Mainland and drive out the Nazis.

Death and destruction should always be avoided even at the expense of freedom especially when children were at risk, Sec of Satire Ricerocket explained to already nodding journalists. Journalists having been taught all their lives that there was nothing worth dying for simply could not understand Churchills fury at being pressured to abandon the invasion. It was for the children and that settled the matter as far as they were concerned. Sec of State Ricerocket’s stock rose immeasurably with these journalists and invitations flooded in to Sec of State Ricerocket to all the best cocktail parties, satisfaction welled up inside of her. Give me death or give me liberty was such an anachronism, after all how could you attend the Paris Fashion Show if you were dead?

Secretary Ricerocket when asked to comment on reports of large extermination camps inside of Poland stated the OSS as of now had no reliable intelligence that such facilities exist. Sec State Ricerocket went on to say that it would be wrong to paint all Nazis as murderers based on the un-confirmed reports of starving half mad refugees who claimed to have escaped such camps. Without confirmation of such camps certainly no one could blame the US for being against the rash invasion planned by Churchill. Peace was always better than war Sec of Satire Ricerocket explained.

When pressed by several journalists to explain reports of huge trains of cattle cars filled with Jews, Sec of State Ricerocket let slip that this was being looked into by Super Secret Agent Valerie Playmate. Super Secret Agent Valerie Playmate had already sent some reports back that lent credence to the idea that the Nazis were merely misunderstood and that it appeared that stories of cattle cars filled with Jews were the product of the fevered imagination of War Monger Churchill.

In other news today

• President Bushed commented on the reports of a large glow in the sky reported over a known German test facility. The President assured reporters that reports of a dangerous new weapon developed by the Nazis were totally impossible as the OSS assured him the Germans were nearly 5 years away from developing such city destroying weapons. As a precaution the President reported that Joseph Wilsonian had been sent to investigate. The President had no comment about reports that Ambassador Wilsonian was last seen being wined and dined by the Vichy on the Riviera. President Bushed did let slip that he found it extremely unlikely that reports of Wilsonian drinking sweet tea on the beach were accurate since he knew Ambassador Wilsonian preferred to drink Champagne.
• Senator Kucinich, Chairman of the powerful Armed Services Committee, cut the ribbon on the new Department of Peace today. This building which resembled nothing as much as a shapeless blob replaced the partially destroyed Pentagon which had been mistakenly destroyed by Nazis Agents. After a few tense moments with the German Ambassador the President had assured him that he completely understood how the Germans could have taken the building as a threat to the peaceful nation of Germany. To avoid such possibilities for provocation in the future the replacement Building was painted pink. To further assure the jumpy Germans all US Battleships were also painted pink and flowers were planted on the decks.
• Pictures taken of a train wreck in Poland showing thousands of bodies strewn around the wreckage were deemed forgeries by the OSS. Intelligence sources who wish to remain anonymous believe that these were faked by persons unknown to embarrass the Germans.
• Several Polish areas have seemingly disappeared…authorities are puzzled.