Monday, June 19, 2006

Medical Care for Zarqawi

This just in!


Recently released transcripts of Zarqawi's rescue from the rubble of his amazingly unsafe 'Safehouse' by American troops on the scene within minutes of the targetted bombing by 2 five-hundred pound bombs, indicate that Zarkman received some pretty good care...

Voice 1: "Colonel! There they are!"

Col.?: "Guys! Bring him here!"

Voice 1: "We've got the Battlefield Mobile Surgical Hospital set up... here..."

Voice 3: "Put him on the gurney... PREP! Get an IV Saline into him, STAT!"

Female Voice: "BP flat... we're losing him..."

Voice 4: "Uh, Sir? Colonel?"

Voice 3: "What do want soldier? We want Zarqawi alive..."

Voice 4: "Sir, you might need this..."

Voice 1: "Good God! Its his heart! Well... it... looks good, let's get it IN him..."

Voice 3: "Its no good, Team. Stand down, we've done all we could! Zarkman's gone to his reward... Clean up this mess, and make sure the (garbled) aren't visible through the sutures..."


This just in, a transcript of the secretly recorded dressing down given to the Toronto Star reporter by his editor, even after the reporter kept the thug-identifier "Muslim" out of the report: Tip of the Karridine Kepi to Tigger2005, THANX!

Secret tape of Toronto Star editor critiquing reporter submission

"Yeah, John, nice article. I do think, though, that you provided too specific a description of the alleged suspects."

"I referred to them as carbon-based life forms, per newspaper policy."

"Yes, well, I don't really agree with that policy. Isn't it possible that the alleged suspects might NOT be carbon-based life forms?"

"Well ..."

"As a reporter, John, you must learn to keep your mind open to ALL possibilities. Is it not possible that humankind has been infiltrated by extraterrestrial beings with a different body chemistry who are nevertheless able to look like us?"

"Well ..."

"I'm glad you agree. So we will refer to them as the alleged carbon-based life forms who allegedly planned some mischief."

(Sarcastically) "How about, 'Outer Space Aliens may have plotted to blow up buildings in Toronto'" ?

(Seriously)"No, we don't want to single out the extraterrestrials either. Anyway, I understand they take offense at being referred to as aliens."


Anonymous Anonymous said... is down - do you know why?

Tuesday, June 20, 2006 4:50:00 PM  
Anonymous religion of pieces said...

Just hope somebody had the sense to stick a very large pork sausage up his posterior orifice protruding just enough so when the the Scummah come to enshroud his body they know he's not going to to paradise. Allah HATES pork products.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006 7:04:00 PM  

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