Roger Corman, Spoon-Feeds Me!

Karridine Interviewing Roger Corman at the Bangkok Film Festival 2006:

K. Roger, weren’t you married to a Swamp Women?

Corman: No, it was an Apache Woman with Five Guns West, who was a real Gunslinger.

The day we were married felt like the Day the World Ended. Honestly, living with her was like sleeping with The Beast with a Million Eyes!

K. You mean she was worse than The Oklahoma Woman?

Corman: I mean she had real spirit, and It Conquered the World! Me? I’d rather live in a Naked Paradise and dance Carnival Rock, which is Not of This Earth. Sex with her was great, but afterward I always had an Attack of the Crab Monsters.

K: Roger, at your infamous Hollywood parties, did The Undead Rock All Night?

Corman: Well, only if you’re rocking with a Teenage Doll or Sorority Girl, otherwise its just a Saga of the Viking Women, who think I am a Mobster, and then the parties degenerated into a War of the Satellites, with Machine-Gun Kelly on one side of my pool and a Teenage Cave Man shagging She Gods of Shark Reef on the other.

Karridine: But Roger, when news of your successful directorial debut got out, didn’t the Guild demand A Bucket of Blood?

Corman: No, they sent some Nordic types over in a Ski Troop Attack, so The Wasp Woman, my main squeeze at the time, hid me in the House of Usher, you know, the guy who led you to your seat when The Little Shop of Horrors turned its house-lights down and you could neck in the last row with the Last Woman on Earth?

K: Didn’t you author an Atlas of Creatures from the Haunted Sea?

Corman: Actually, that was written by Peach Pit and the Pendulums, who got a Premature Burial by the Hollywood press.

K: Wasn’t that when Hollywood insiders saw you as The Intruder? They concocted Tales of Terror about you and “Tower of London”-sized ‘package’, because you were bedding The Young Racers with The Raven-Black hair which was a Terror to brush in The Haunted Palace ?

Corman: X-ackley! The Masque of the Red Death often covered their pimply, teen faces like The Secret Invasion of The Tomb of Ligeia by The Wild Angels, but they’d apply Clearasil^©, and The St. Valentine's Day Massacre was nothing in comparison! Pimples never stood a chance, because it was A Time for Killing pimples and blackheads!

K: Roger, could you tell us of The Trip with The Wild Racers to your Target: Harry De Sade?

Corman: Well, I was wooing Bloody Mama, who had BAD Gas-s-s-s, and when she farted upwind of The Red Baron, Holy Deathsport, it was Frankenstein Unbound!

Karridine: Really?

Corman: Swear to God!